Winning:
Is it Everything?

by Marcy Lynch

Is being number #1 the only goal really worth striving for? Is winning a tournament, a league, a match the only thing that matters? If so, are you wasting your time unless you win? 
Is it possible to lose a match and still be a winner?

There’s no denying that there is a lot of support in the world for ‘winners’ and a certain stigma attached to being a ‘loser.’ It’s pretty easy to internalize the popular worldview of winning and losing based on the importance that winning is given in our culture. 

The fact is, no one wins all the time. Some people have a higher success rate for winning compared to others, but no one wins all the time. And, since there is only one winner at any given event, there are definitely more losers than winners. So why do we still compete? As non-winners, are we just winner wanna-be’s?

I know this is a topic for which there are many different views. My summer softball team has this discussion every season. Do we want to be ‘competitive’, (i.e. try to ’win’) or just ‘have fun’? There’s a lot of pressure associated with winning and I’m convinced that those who are wanting to ‘have fun’ are looking for a way to take the pressure off of themselves by letting go of any expectations.

To me, the idea of winning and having fun are not mutually-exclusive — in fact, winning is a lot more fun that not winning. I don’t have much fun unless I’m making every effort to win. Where I have learned the most, however, is in regard to how I deal with losing. I believe the key to winning is coming to terms with the fear of losing.

The way I deal with the fear of losing is not to focus on it. I have been most successful when I am able to focus on something other than winning or losing. 

It may sound like a contradiction to try to win but not think about it. The distinction here is between a goal and focus. A goal is an intention that resides in the back of my mind. My goal is to win. Focus is what I give immediate attention to and is in the very forefront of my thinking. I focus on what I need to do to win - a game plan and the execution of it. My internal challenge then becomes, “let’s see how well I can execute my plan.” At the end of the match I will have either won or lost but the measure of my own success will be how well I executed my plan.

Therefore, in my mind, it is possible to lose and still feel like a winner if I did everything I could possibly do to execute my plan. Losing this way feels a lot less painful than having my measure of success solely determined by the outcome of the match. I’ve also experienced times when I’ve not played well and won. Although I wouldn’t give up the win, it’s not as sweet as when I’ve won knowing I played well.

This is what works for me. I know athletes who are totally motivated by the fear of losing or hate to lose so much that they are able to use that energy to win. Others are just simply jazzed up by the challenge of putting their skills on the line and the fear becomes excitement (I imagine this kind of person loves sky diving or bungee jumping). Every one of us is different and we handle fear and pressure in different ways. The game of racquetball becomes more about learning to manage ourselves than ‘beating’ our opponent.

In conclusion, I think there are many ways to win and to define what winning means. We don’t have to be limited by anyone else’s measure of success. We can define it for ourselves. The better we get to know ourselves, the better chance we have of having a satisfactory relationship with the ability to win and to tolerate losses.

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